Spam

Poetry from Spam 1: Are Ye Engaged In This Function

(from an email received from Sam Thomas)

 

What a great day,

Another location for Boxing Worker 

for our parcel biz was revealed. 


If you’re trembling about our brigade's position,

please, do not hesitate to send an e-mail to 

our comradeship so we can be able to report 

U more precise specs.

 

Check: 4,000 dollars per month.

 

If U would tangibly operate inside thine

apartment from 9 AM ending with 5 PM, 

ya'll could take some dough. 

 

Thou shall not be obliged 

to have business with stodgy boxes.

 

The cornerstone of our function 

is to deal with bales. You will seem a thoroughbred 

fit for said stance if ya'll are a new mommy,

a classman of remote mode of education,

pensioner, unable to work a full day outdoors man

or woman, or the woman which disrelished 

to make exit household to do labor.

 

Thou will not be constrained to act with grave wrappings. 

Generally, you would search out frocks or amusements 

inside the bundles. 


Are ye engaged into this function? 

Keep in mind being at your residence 

from 9 to 5 o'clock  is an obligatory thing 

to be able to be hired at the mentioned stance

 

(otherwise, the mentioned bidding ain't for ye, unluckily).

Poetry from Spam 2: Problem at The High Sea

(from an email received from Leslie)


we have not met each other but

I trust you and give you my whole heart

I am sitting by the seashore now

praying that nothing happens to us 

 

we've done all we could to put 

the brain box of the ship in order to no avail

we received information from the signal house

there are sea pirates blocking the sea


because of this problem at the high sea

the situation here is getting worse 

the ship is very slow and we are yet 

to get a response from headquarters


our captain just announced passengers

should offload their goods as 

the ship will duck here for other weeks  

until it’s safe to continue sailing


my problem now is my documents my 

savings and what little money I have with me 

to buy metal oil in drums in Australia 

and supply to a company in Mexico


I don't want to lose my money to sea pirates 

because I know how I suffered for it

at this time I need you to stand by me

so that life can move straight with us 


I know you will never disappoint or hurt me

Poetry from Spam 3: You Have Truly Been Swindled

(from an email received from the FBI)


After proper and several 

investigations and research 

we found your name among those 

that have sent money through 

Western Union and MoneyGram 


this proves that you have truly 

been swindled by those unscrupulous 

persons by sending money through 

Western Union and MoneyGram 

in the course of getting one fund 

or the other that is not real


In this regard a meeting was held 

between the Board of Directors of 

Western Union and Moneygram,

the FBI, alongside with the Ministry of Finance,

and as a consequence it was agreed 

that the sum of Two Million Five 


Hundred Thousand United States Dollars 

should be transferred to you out from

the fund that has been set aside 

as compensation payment 

for scam victims


Yours sincerely,

Christopher A. Wray

FBI



Poetry from Spam comes from email found in the spam folder of editor@holeintheheadreview.com

Please send us you spam poetry - title your email NOT SPAM